Reading a difficult book

At last an explanation for why time seems to drag for children and rush for we seniors. I am reading In Motion by Tony Hiss ... slowly because his pace is slow. I'm not quite sure what he's trying to explain, but now and then he tells me things I didn't know or gives me a new way to think about some big questions. One is time.

Paul Janet, a French philosopher was apparently the first person to write down this idea about time [in 1877]: we measure passing years against the stockpile of our own birthdays. For a ten year old a year is a great accomplishment, a whole 1/10th of his life. But at age 50 a year is only 2% of our stockpile of years. Thus, throughout our years we apply a yardstick that keeps changing and becomes meaningless. At 70 a year is such a small thing, and the next year will be smaller. ... Certainly it feels that way to me. I have found myself thinking, say on a Sunday evening, "Good heavens, another week is past." It seems the merest instant. Winter and spring have come and gone this year and now summer begins. I intend to enjoying it as much as I can, but I leap ahead in my imagination and know it will whiz away. The only "defense" [which isn't exactly what I mean] against the feeling of loss that suggests is the very awareness of its fast fleetingness.

That brings me to another bit Hiss writes about the knowledge we all have, but which many choose to suppress fiercely, that we have only a limited lifespan. He tells of Uwais el-Qarni, a Yemeni thinker living approximately at the time of Mohammad. When asked how he felt he said he felt like a man who wakes up in the morning and doesn't know if he will be alive in the evening. His questioner remarked, "but that is true for all people," Uwais answered, "Yes, but how many of them feel it?" This was quoted not to say that feeling it is good or bad, but that some of us have a stronger awareness than others and therefore live as if we are tuned to a different pitch. Obviously this is not a new thought. I often think those of us who have that awareness are the poets and musicians and artists of the world. That is only a feeling, I won't claim it's a fact. But I think we more often stop to smell the roses and look at the stars -- and another fact Hiss writes is that 80% of the people now living in the world [in highly populated centers] actually cannot see the Milky Way at night because the sky is polluted with both gases and with light.

I think having come across these bits of information and insight before reaching the actual middle of a book that is often difficult and sometimes boring makes a very good case for reading difficult and boring books.

Thinking Back and Forward

A vintage photo -- not the one I said in my last post I would scan in. I am having no luck with the scanner on my printer. But I wanted a backward look. I don't have the specific date but it's likely this picture was taken on my second birthday since my younger brother was born in February and that seems right for the baby's size. It's obviously a warm day and a chair has been carried outside for the photo of my mother and her children. This may be my favorite of the few vintage photos I have, expect perhaps for one when I was a very small infant and four generations were pictured -- all of us first daughters, as it turned out.

Does being a first daughter matter if there is only a brother and no second daughter? Maybe not. The novelist in me thinks there could be a story about generations of first daughters.

A celebratory dinner was last night with all the grandchildren present and the great-grandson as well. Since the two grandsons are not living at home anymore that is an unusual occurrence. The weather has decided to celebrate with me, pushing the 80 degree mark today with plentiful sun and a nice breeze -- exactly the kind of day I like best.

I'm reading Tony Hiss's book In Motion which is about what he calls "Deep Travel". Not long ago I read Winifred Galligher's Rapt, which is about paying attention. Both are talking about being focused. They use familiar psychology terms but they could easily talk also in Buddhist terms about "being present." Both books support an idea I've been trying to write about: reading books that demand attention and time -- like big serious novels in contrast to short stories or the dreadful new genre of flash fiction.
I've written maybe ten pieces that can be called flash fiction, if it's defined as fewer than 1000 words. This is a mental exercise with not much more depth than doing a Times Sunday crossword puzzle. The creation of a situation and a couple of characters is almost a sneeze. That does not mean there is much depth to such pieces -- in fact, just the opposite. The only depth possible comes from carefully chosen adjectives and actions. Reading such fiction is a waste of time and writing it is also, I think, but maybe less of a waste as creative mental exercises are better than passive entertainment.

Both Hiss and Gallagher emphasize the pleasure and importance of deep involvement in what one is doing. This is not possible when "multitasking." Although Gallagher uses the word "rapt", most of her book is about something less totally involving than being in a state of rapture. As I troll my memory, in general, and when writing whatever stories I write, I find I've often been in the state Hiss calls "deep travel" which is why, on days like this, when I am thinking back over many years, I feel they have been very rich in experience. I have not "killed" a lot of time. I've been present in my life enough to be astonished at all it's held so far.